Are you ready to become a parent?
Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush with you, parenting is hard and it is going to happen lightning fast from the moment they make there way into the world. You won’t see it coming. You’ll just be living your life the way you always have, thinking, “Man, I sure am young. There is little in life that I enjoy more than the simple knowledge of how completely not old I am or how much freedom I have.” And then after having children and you think its a good idea to head out for one night on the town with the girls out of the blue, you realise your no longer 18 years old, you are no longer geared up to wear next to nothing at the club and make it through to closing and still wake up the next morning feeling amazing..! you’ll have a horrifying realization that people have stopped viewing you as an ultra cool, iconic masterpiece of sexuality and view you for what you really are, slightly awkward on the dance floor, and regretting life for about 3 days on the couch in the fetal? position as you try to erase the memories or the night you had and realise that now you’re just some kid’s parent and you cannot lie around wanting to secretly crawl into a big hole and not come out..!! However you and I both know that when you decide to make that transition into parenthood, those sleep ins are gone, those hangovers are pure evil and chances are, the one morning the kids decide to wake up extra early is the morning after a rather big night….
‘Most people will tell you that “it” is the hardest, most rewarding, roller coaster job you will ever have – there’s no pay, you are on duty 24/7 and, at times, it seems like there are few rewards.
‘Being a parent has its ups and downs. I wouldn’t change my title as “mummy” for anything in the world, however, If you think you are ready to embrace the joys of motherhood, have a little read over this next part and ask yourself if you will ever be ready..?
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 – 6kg, with a radio turned to static playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.
This is just the tip of the iceburg, another test to see if your ready is to buy an octopus and a bag, now try to get the octopus into the bag without any arms hanging out, this will become your life when trying to dress your precious little bundle, and trust me, once they are on the move it becomes even worse, like 100x worse..!
Once you head back to work, this is a little taste of what treats are in store for you usually on a morning when you are in a serious rush…
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work
Dinners times are always such a testing time of the day, they call it the witching hour – 5-6pm getting dinner ready, kids showered and ready for bed.. Kids really are cute, they go from eating everything and anything, to all of a sudden ripping food from their mouths and throwing it as far away as possible, this is such a fun game, so maybe you can practice this slightly by making an extra meal, get a spoonful and hold it in front of a high powered fan… Do this a couple of times, but i would highly recommend having an inside dog for times like these….!
You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!